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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Monday, May 22, 2006

A Glance at The Lives of Pookie & Kat...

Normally, I'd say these things are lame, but this one happens to be spot on....it really describes our lifestyles quite accurately!

You Know You're From New York City When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. (actually, we have..on school class trips!)

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park
at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. (I think we could find Wisconsin....maybe)

Hookers and the homeless are invisible. (totally)

The subway makes sense.

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. (doesn't it?)

You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".

The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard. (Yard? Hell, I'd call that an estate!)

You consider Westchester "upstate".

You think Central Park is "nature." (it's all we've got!)

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."

You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent. (yeah, that one hurts)

You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed. (nothing good happens until after midnight anyway!)

Your closet is filled with black clothes.

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you. (Pookie and I went to college in a rural area and the quiet at night freaked us out. I need to hear the soft din of traffic to lull me to sleep.)

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. ($5? Try $8 for beer and $12 for cocktails)

You take fashion seriously.

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."

You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.

You don't notice sirens anymore.

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. (trust no one...especially nice people)

You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.

Your door has more than three locks. (and a chain too!)

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.

There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown.

When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels. (Oh God, this one is so true!)

You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas. (Original Ray's is the only way to go.)

You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect. (No matter how late we've stayed up the night before, you can count on us stumbling down to the streets at 6:45am on Sunday to move the cars!)

You know what a bodega is. (don't other places have bodegas?)

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats. (WE do. Too bad others can't do this,)

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet..... (and if you're a BOTS, and they don't apologize, you yell after them, "Excuse YOU!")

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas. (I do, but I can understand the mistake.)

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you. (HATE the film crews...especially the craft services people!)

Happy Monday!


At 10:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pookie & Kat...lol lol lol alllll true CLASSIC!!

At 11:03 AM, Blogger yllwdaisies said...

Dude... I've been to Jersey more than 5 times, w/ directions (of landmarks) & a couple of maps, & still got lost. Jersey's just hard to navigate, period.

I think the menu thing is universal. Hell, I've got 7 menus next to my phone here @ work!

Does that mean it's not easy to steal food from the craft services ppl?

At 11:03 AM, Blogger Liz said...

Yeah, the one for Chicago was pretty damn accurate too! (It included using living room furniture to hold a parking space, and knowing the Empire Carpet theme song.)

At 1:03 PM, Blogger bestbuddie said...

We don't even have 7 places that deliver!

So what the heck is a 'bodega'?

Native Montanan that hasn't lived yet....

At 7:26 PM, Blogger Lena said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:28 PM, Blogger Lena said...

YESSS! I moved from San Francisco to Southern Cal a couple years ago and I will never get over all the damn bright colors everyone insists on wearing!

Not to even mention the pathetic nightlife here. Oh, don't even get me started...

And I have only driven over the Golden Gate Bridge to get to the other side for work. And have never been to Alcatraz Island.

At 8:17 PM, Blogger Marcia said...

I cry every time I think about how I'm moving from a HUGE 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, original, restored wood floors, with a doorman, in walking distance of 4 sushi places, apartment in Missouri, for which I pay less than $1k/month. With free parking.

And I'm moving to Manhattan. I LOVE this apartment (even though I hate MO.)

At 9:57 PM, Blogger v said...

Note to self: Don't call NYC the Big Apple.

Great post ladies.

At 4:14 PM, Blogger Kelly said...

I love this one!
You two just keep cracking me up.


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