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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

WARNING: This Is An Offensive Post

OK, this is beyond my normal posts, and I fully admit that it's tasteless and offensive. I asked Pookie if I should post it and she said, "I think I've heard that before in a joke....and yes, it's offensive, but fvck it!" Actually, the picture may offend people more after they read this, but hey, this is our blog. And, this is simply a true accounting of something that happened to me.

If tasteless, offensive (and potentially racist?) posts offend you....GO NO FURTHER!

This happened to me yesterday and I am still laughing about it. My friend and I went to the local grocery store yesterday evening and as we walked in the door, this kid (maybe about 14 years old) came out of nowhere and walked in with us saying, "Hi! You guys are my friends?" He had some kind of accent and appeared to be Asian...I think Chinese, but I'm not sure. Side note, the store is a Korean grocery store, so he could have been Korean and maybe related to the store owners, but who the fvck knows.

It was clear to me that he was mentally incapacited in some way.

He followed us all over the store as we shopped for some dinner ingredients rambling on and asking tons of questions. "Do you like bananas? Why? Do you know what time this store closes? Who is the manager? I like bananas! Do you have a permit? Why?"

My friend was like, "This kid is killing me!" and said, "OK. Nice to meet you but we need to shop now." The kid wasn't getting the hint.

I felt a little sorry for him because he was unkempt and had boogers on his face, but he obviously was just looking for someone to talk to. I kept up answering his questions and we finished our shopping. He stayed with us the entire time. "I have pennies at home! Do you like pennies?" he asked as we checked out. As we left, he said, "Where you going? Can I come? Are you my friends?"

I told him that we were going home and that he should go home too. He followed us a few steps, but then turned around and ran back into the store.

We got back to my place and had dinner. Then, I overheard my friend on the phone. He said, "Yeah, I was like, OK Sum Ting Wong, leave us alone!"

He got off the phone and I said, "You know that kid's name?"

He said, "Yeah, it's Sum Ting Wong."

I was a little slow myself yesterday and said, "Did he tell you that?"

He said, "No, it was just obvious."

About 20 minutes later, it hit me. And I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. He must have gotten that from some old joke, but it cracked me up.

Happy Humping Day!
B!tch on the Street: Language Barrier


At 12:18 PM, Blogger GetFlix said...

Sum Wong Kat.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Bob said...

Ok...not what I expected...I hit the "Sum Ting Wong" line mid-sip and nearly sprayed my iMac.

Thanks for the laugh.

At 7:34 PM, Blogger Marcia said...

HAHAHAHAHA. That was awesome.

At 9:58 AM, Blogger Moonmaid said...

That is far less offensive than other things I have heard.

My favorite real-life experience involving Asian mispronouncements took place in the late 80s, when I lived in the East Village. We had just gotten a huge shiny new Korean grocery store, the first decent place to buy vegetables in the neighborhood. One day while I was checking out, I noticed a glass jar on the counter full of licorice.

It had a hand lettered sign taped to it: "Ricorice - 25 cents".

I nearly choked trying not to laugh, and gestured to my husband. We both nearly split our sides holding our breaths, and collapsed laughing once we got out of the store.

Of course, we had to spread the words to all of our friends to come see. The next time I went in it was gone. Some far kinder soul than I probably corrected the owner's gaffe.

At 1:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was great.

At 2:30 PM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...

Ok, huge laughs to both BOTS story and moonmaids!!

I think, as long everybody loves everybody else and all that BS, no problem in finding humor in our differences!

At 12:56 AM, Blogger Gypsy said...

A retarded kid not getting 'the hint'. Imagine that...

I don't know who's slower, him, or you for expecting this child to get a hint.

At 8:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Classic, just classic.

Okay, a quick encounter with interesting convo provided for entertainment... it's not mine but my friend's
She was walking down the street and this homeless guy starts walking behind her and says "slow down, bitch! Come back here!" and she responds with "wtf?!" and starts running. He follows and yells after her "Stop bitch, get back here. you're my wife. You better come back here, wife!" She ducks into a hotel and hides behind the counter at the front desk...it was that scary...
And the homeless creep says, "Have you seen my wife? did she come in here?"
And the receptionist politely asks "who's your wife sir?"
He responds, "Beyonce, don't you know who Beyonce is? You've got to be kidding me! She's famous."
Well...I should have started with the description of my friend. About 110, 5'1", Red Head, Italian/Columbian... looks whiter than white...
HILARIOUS! I know she must have been scared out of her mind but c'mon :)

At 2:12 PM, Blogger Cyber Mule said...

hahah funny

At 5:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. It’s a little late but I have to tell this story. And it’s true.

A friend of mine, (Ryan) and I went to a little Chinese bakery in Calgary looking for butter cream buns. We were regulars there so the owners knew us well. They made really good butter cream buns, which is why we were regulars.

One day, there were no more butter cream buns. And this is the conversation between Ryan, a well fed guy, and the shop owner, a stereotypical old Chinese guy with barely a word of English to his knowledge.

And it’s verbatim. I swear to god!

Ryan. “Why is there no butter cream buns.”

Chinese guy, (with thick Chinese accent). “Because they all gone!”

Ryan. “Then why don’t you make more?”

Chinese guy. “Because you no buy noting else!”

Ryan. “But I wanted a butter cream bun.”

Chinese guy. “Here! Take this!”

Ryan. “But that’s Saran wrap!”

Chinese guy. “8 dollars! You go now! You scare wife and kids.”

Ryan. “But I don’t want Saran wrap! I want a butter cream bun”

Chinese guy. While handing Ryan an almond cookie. “You go feed fat face! Now go! You eat rike free willy!”

I must have laughed for an hour straight.


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