What a Numbnut!

Source: CNN.com

I'm the first to admit, I'm "gun-shy" since September 11, 2001. I don't want anything to do with anyone and trust no one. I still grimace when I see an airplane flying low over the city (which they do all the time--we are in the middle of three major airports).

The Bush administration has faced criticism this week over its decision to let a subsidiary of UAE government-controlled maritime management firm Dubai Ports World run ports in New York and New Jersey; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Baltimore, Maryland; Miami, Florida; and New Orleans, Louisiana.

Critics say the takeover raises security concerns, noting that two of the hijackers in the September 11, 2001, attacks on New York and Washington came from the UAE and that the hijackers drew funds from bank accounts in Dubai, the financial center of the Persian Gulf. Who thinks this is a good idea? Seriously, leave us alone. New York City has taken enough sh!t and I'm sure the other locations aren't thrilled about this either.

Of the facilities to be sold, the port in New York and New Jersey is the largest, handling about 4.5 million container units in 2004 and is among the nation's top 10 in terms of containers handled, according to the American Association of Port Authorities. Awesome! What a great place to store and ship things to kill Americans! Am I paranoid? You betcha! Should I be? That's what they tell me (why else are we always on "high terrorist alert"?)!

"Nothing in this acquisition has anything to do with the responsibility for security in American ports," State Department spokesman Adam Ereli said. "That remains very firmly in the hands of the Department of Homeland Security. What we're talking about is the management of some port operations."

Hey, George, why don't you go live next to one of these ports. You numbnut!

BOTS Hates the Olympics...

I checked with Pookie, and she hates them too (except gymnastics...but that's her kinky side coming out). Does anyone like this sh!t? Why are we rewarding people for bobsledding better than anyone else. WTF? When some mofo cures cancer, then I'll watch them on TV. Until then....eh.

And, this makes that nasty Valentine's Day picture get off the screen (that's for you Gabs!).

Happy Friday before a 3 day weekend!

Happy Valentine's Day from BOTS!?!?!?!?

Ew!!!!! I put in "Valentine's Day" as a Google image search, looking for some nice lovey dovey crap to put up. Instead, this sh!t came up. I guess it says, "Happy Valentine's Day!" Maybe it's more "VD", but whatever!

Hope this day brings you lots of love and joy....and b!tch slapping if you're not nice and romantic!

Blizzard of '06...

Here's a picture I took from my fire escape on Sunday morning. It's the view looking down on the garbage area behind my apartment building. Gross, but pretty! What a storm! I was just recently complaining that we don't get big snow storms in the city and then this one shows up! This snow storm was the best! I LOVE being snowed in! Especially since I had plenty of toilet paper on hand! Also, I ordered Chinese food for delivery yesterday and they STILL made it (on a bike) in about 30 minutes! I love NY!

Ahhh....it looked so clean and crisp. Today, everything has a dirty tint to it, but what can you do?

Loser!

Last night I went out for dinner and drinks with Pookie, Carmie and some other crazy friends (Wednesday is the new Thursday, you know). As Pook, Carm and I walked to the restaurant, we were stopped at an intersection for a red light. We all noticed this poor woman desperately trying to hail a cab. You can't see it here, but in addition to all of her bags, she had a rolling suitcase.

Right before our eyes, we saw a cab pull over for her. This is nothing short of a miracle because it was rush hour and it was a$$ biting cold out. Suddenly, a man darted across the traffic on the other side of the street and GOT IN HER CAB! We all gasped at what this d!ck had done. Carmie said, "Get your phone! This should go on BOTS!" How right she was!

The woman opened the cab door (as you see here) and said, "This is my cab!" The guy said, "Not anymore!" I said, "That's cold buddy!" and Pookie said, "LOSER!!!" Carmie said, "Nice! What a gentleman!" Of course, he didn't care, the woman shut the door and the cab took off into the night.

It's a shame we didn't get his picture, but we did get his victim. After all of this, we moved across the street leaving her behind. Hey, life is tough here. Unfortunately, it's made all the tougher by a$$holes like that guy!

Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion...

That's a quote from one of my favorite movies: "Donnie Darko". I feel that this quote pretty much sums up how my boss reamed me this morning....and it's only 10 minutes past 9:00am!

I walked into work this moring to a barrage of voice mails and e-mails questioning why one of my company's customers was complaining about something. Without going into too much (very boring) detail, one of our customers received an invoice for something and they shouldn't have. Who approved the invoice? Yup...that was me! I don't even remember doing it, but I did. In my own defense, this is something that almost all of our other clients receive an invoice for, so I didn't feel that this one was any different. Apparently, they are.

I had to go to She Lumberg (my boss) to explain, but I really didn't have an explanation. I said, "I was under the impression that they should receive it." Lame, but true.

Instead of She Lumberg saying, "This can't happen again." or "You've really fvcked up this time!", she gave me the old, "Whyyyyyy do you think this happened? Our customers' satisfaction is a direct refleeeeeection of our OWN satisfaction with a job well done. Your commitment to our customers COULD be called into question."

Basically, it happened because I DON'T CARE. Well, I kind of care, but not that much.
Sh!t happens, you know what I'm saying?

I swear, after her little Dr. Phil wannabe statements, I almost vomited on her desk. She's such a cheesemonkey.

Instead I said, "I'll implement new procedures to ensure that this never happens again...for any customer." They seem to really like it when I offer to implement new procedures. It's right up She Lumberg's alley.

Thanks for hearing (reading) my gripe. I rejoice in the fact that someday, I'll be able to
b!tch slap She Lumberg too.

Hometown Hero...

Al "Grandpa" Lewis

I'm sure you all have read that Grandpa passed away this weekend. There are conflicting reports of Grandpa's birthplace, but we know he was raised in Brooklyn...and that qulaifies him to be a BOTS Hometown Hero.

When Pookie and I were in high school, we took a ride on the Staten Island Ferry and went to Grandpa's Comedy Club...a little sh!thole in Staten Island that Grandpa owned. He was there mingling with the average customers and was a cool guy. We thought he was on his deathbed then! Little did we know that Grandpa would keep on kicking!

Did you know that he holds a doctorate in child psychology from Columbia University, has penned two children's books, produced a kid-oriented home video, and once hosted a series of Saturday morning television shows on WTBS? He has also been a circus performer, a school teacher, and a vaudevillian.

He's a multi-talented man and we will miss him. Say hello to Herman and Lily, Al! You sir, are a (kind of spooky, but totally cool) Hometown Hero!

I Keep on Falling...

In and out...of love...with you...

Actually, I just keep on falling on my ass...or literally, my knees.

Yesterday evening, I decided to make an "emergency" shopping trip for some "fat jeans". You see, I've done my share of pigging out during the holidays and now, a good amount of my favorite jeans are a liiiiiittle too tight. So, I'm working on that, but in the meantime, I need some jeans that aren't too tight and that are relatively cool. I told myself that I'm not allowed to buy good fat jeans (i.e. $200 fat jeans), only cheapos. So, where do I go? J. Crew. That's right folks: J. Cruel!

You may or may not remember a post that BOTS previously did on J. Crew and the fact that they torture little animals for their fur. I haven't shopped there since then and had reservations about going in there, but it was on my way home! I went to the jeans, picked out a fat pair (how can I be that size????) and paid for them (yes, they cost $78, but trust me, that's cheap in the world of jeans in NYC).

Then, I stepped up two little steps that I needed to go up to get to the exit of the store. I tripped UP the stairs (those who know me won't be surprised at this...I seem to always fall up a set of stairs instead of down), did a weird midget-like walk to try to catch my balance, fell on my knees, and then flat on my stomach. Bags flew everywhere. I was a mess. Immediately I felt that the fur gods were punishing me for shopping at J. Cruel! Why did I buy those jeans???

I happened to fall at the feet of some supermodel looking b!tch. She literally looked down at me (almost curiously), stepped over my bag and kept walking. Not one word escaped her lips. I lay there like the tubby turd I felt like. Then, some dashing man (I think he may have been gay, but damn he was hot!) came and scooped me up! I can't be THAT fat if some dude can just literally pick me up off the floor, right? Right! I thanked him, dusted off, picked up my bags and shot daggers of death with my eyes at the back of that supermodel b!tch's head.

Who would just step over someone who fell???? I'll find her. And I'll b!tch slap her (after I trip her and step over her, that is!).

Happy Friday ya'll!