I Keep on Falling...
In and out...of love...with you...
Actually, I just keep on falling on my ass...or literally, my knees.
Yesterday evening, I decided to make an "emergency" shopping trip for some "fat jeans". You see, I've done my share of pigging out during the holidays and now, a good amount of my favorite jeans are a liiiiiittle too tight. So, I'm working on that, but in the meantime, I need some jeans that aren't too tight and that are relatively cool. I told myself that I'm not allowed to buy good fat jeans (i.e. $200 fat jeans), only cheapos. So, where do I go? J. Crew. That's right folks: J. Cruel!
You may or may not remember a post that BOTS previously did on J. Crew and the fact that they torture little animals for their fur. I haven't shopped there since then and had reservations about going in there, but it was on my way home! I went to the jeans, picked out a fat pair (how can I be that size????) and paid for them (yes, they cost $78, but trust me, that's cheap in the world of jeans in NYC).
Then, I stepped up two little steps that I needed to go up to get to the exit of the store. I tripped UP the stairs (those who know me won't be surprised at this...I seem to always fall up a set of stairs instead of down), did a weird midget-like walk to try to catch my balance, fell on my knees, and then flat on my stomach. Bags flew everywhere. I was a mess. Immediately I felt that the fur gods were punishing me for shopping at J. Cruel! Why did I buy those jeans???
I happened to fall at the feet of some supermodel looking b!tch. She literally looked down at me (almost curiously), stepped over my bag and kept walking. Not one word escaped her lips. I lay there like the tubby turd I felt like. Then, some dashing man (I think he may have been gay, but damn he was hot!) came and scooped me up! I can't be THAT fat if some dude can just literally pick me up off the floor, right? Right! I thanked him, dusted off, picked up my bags and shot daggers of death with my eyes at the back of that supermodel b!tch's head.
Who would just step over someone who fell???? I'll find her. And I'll b!tch slap her (after I trip her and step over her, that is!).
Happy Friday ya'll!