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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Friday, February 03, 2006

I Keep on Falling...

In and out...of love...with you...

Actually, I just keep on falling on my ass...or literally, my knees.

Yesterday evening, I decided to make an "emergency" shopping trip for some "fat jeans". You see, I've done my share of pigging out during the holidays and now, a good amount of my favorite jeans are a liiiiiittle too tight. So, I'm working on that, but in the meantime, I need some jeans that aren't too tight and that are relatively cool. I told myself that I'm not allowed to buy good fat jeans (i.e. $200 fat jeans), only cheapos. So, where do I go? J. Crew. That's right folks: J. Cruel!

You may or may not remember a post that BOTS previously did on J. Crew and the fact that they torture little animals for their fur. I haven't shopped there since then and had reservations about going in there, but it was on my way home! I went to the jeans, picked out a fat pair (how can I be that size????) and paid for them (yes, they cost $78, but trust me, that's cheap in the world of jeans in NYC).

Then, I stepped up two little steps that I needed to go up to get to the exit of the store. I tripped UP the stairs (those who know me won't be surprised at this...I seem to always fall up a set of stairs instead of down), did a weird midget-like walk to try to catch my balance, fell on my knees, and then flat on my stomach. Bags flew everywhere. I was a mess. Immediately I felt that the fur gods were punishing me for shopping at J. Cruel! Why did I buy those jeans???

I happened to fall at the feet of some supermodel looking b!tch. She literally looked down at me (almost curiously), stepped over my bag and kept walking. Not one word escaped her lips. I lay there like the tubby turd I felt like. Then, some dashing man (I think he may have been gay, but damn he was hot!) came and scooped me up! I can't be THAT fat if some dude can just literally pick me up off the floor, right? Right! I thanked him, dusted off, picked up my bags and shot daggers of death with my eyes at the back of that supermodel b!tch's head.

Who would just step over someone who fell???? I'll find her. And I'll b!tch slap her (after I trip her and step over her, that is!).

Happy Friday ya'll!

14 Comments:

At 11:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww...hey that's NY for you
carmie

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger Liz said...

Kat, I fall all the time as well. I don't know how or why, but I just do, and people never seem to care about me.

As for getting "fat jeans" at J.Cruel, I think it's ok, because no animals were harmed in the process of making the denim!

 
At 4:21 PM, Anonymous e-liz said...

I fall up the stairs too! It is not a good feeling. And people that step over us fallers should be tortured like the poor animals that become fur for J. Cruel.

 
At 4:27 PM, Anonymous Kat said...

Are you kidding? She actually stepped over you? WTF???

As long as the jeans weren't fur-trimmed, I'd say you're okay.

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger v said...

Well, at least some good looking guy came to your rescue. And I'm sure you de-gay'd him with your clumsy hotness.

 
At 6:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can do better...my freshman year of high school I had a huge crush on a senior. Well, one day during the mad rush of students trying to get to their next class, I was walking up the steps behind said crush. I tripped and rammed my face into his ass. Nice, huh? My wonderful friends started calling buttrammer after that.

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger Kelly said...

Falling up stairs. Yeah. I've done that. As for the supermodel.... what a b!tch! Can't stand people like that. Find her. Take her picture. And then the whole internet can b!tch slap her!

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger HelpMeBubba said...

Glad to know I'm not the only one who falls up stairs! However, I do take a tumble down them too! Had a big bruise down my side to prove it too. Being clumsy is great!!

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger brendalove@gmail.com said...

The supermodel was probably late meeting her coke dealer.

 
At 3:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you look at Peta's website, they made an announcement a few weeks ago that they are going to stop selling fur items. The only reason I found was was cause I secretly subscribe to PETA updates! Shhh! -Summer in MO

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger GetFlix said...

My really funny post was deleted. Now that's a bitch.

 
At 3:07 PM, Blogger Kat in da Hat said...

What post Get? Re-post!

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...

What a bitch. I, too, share the clumsy gene. Don't forget to snap a pic of this broad once you find her again (AND YOU WILL) so we can all point and laugh.

And hey. Maybe you made her jealous with a hot man there to set you upright! Cos your a hot bitch!

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger yllwdaisies said...

I rarely fall up stairs. Usually, I just trip over my own two feet while walking in a straight. Strangely, I only trip when wearing anything less than 3" heels.

Also, Kat, in defense of the b!tchy supermodel: 1-Brendalove may be right, she may have been just late for her dealer. and 2-You know (in your heart) that given the right day & circumstances, you TOO may have been the supermodel steppin over someone who seemed to get in your way. Don't deny it, I can totally see you doing that!

 

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