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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Doesn't look big enough does it?

Yesterday, after being totally disgusted by the people in Grand Central, I decided to take a stroll over to the West side of town and pick up the train from there. It was a beautiful night and the walk was just what I needed after a long day at work. So I jumped on the 3 train. I get a spot right by the door which is perfect because I'm exhausted and so I can lean against the door and read my book. The train pulls up at the next stop and the doors are opening on my side, so I go to do the one foot on the train-one foot on the platform maneuver so that I don't lose my spot. I put one foot out and all of the sudden I'm on the floor!! My foot went between the space between the train and the platform and I fell up to my knee - guess my knee was too big to fit through the space. I didn't even have time to scream it all happened so fast, I just kind of gasped and now I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get myself out before the doors closed!! Luckily there was a good samaritan on the train with me. He saw what happened and said "Oh my God!", stuck his hand out to me and just pulled me right back up. Another woman saw what happened and kept asking if I was okay too. Now I do have to admit that I was holding back the tears here because my leg was burning! Oh I was in so much pain! Last night I put ice on it and this morning I have some lovely scrapes as well nice bruises up and down either side of my leg. Commuting is getting to be too dangerous for me folks!

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch...

"The sixties were when hallucinogentic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun." - Ellen DeGeneres I loved the Flying Nun! :o)

Three Coins in a Fountain

The past few days have been just lovely here in old NYC. BOTS especially likes when one can eat their meager lunch out-of-doors. To accomodate this, many buildings arrange comfortable and scenic seating areas. Unfortunately, idiots mess it all up sometimes. Take, for example, the nice fountain I decided to sit beside for my lunch yesterday. People were seated around the entire parameter. Suddenly, some jackass kid decides to start throwing coins in the fountain. The even more of a jackass mom that was with the kid didn't even glance at him. The little shit threw so many coins, he could've gotten his ass on a bus with that money! Every time he threw, the coins splashed up the water on someone. BOTS was ready to act but some guy yelled, "Hey lady! You're kid is splashing everyone!". She grabbed the rugrat's arm and took off.

Why wasn't this little fucker in school? Who the hell knows. But heed my advice. Don't do that shit! Wishing in a dirty ass NYC fountain isn't going to get you shit anyway!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Stand Right Walk Left - Part Deux

Ok so this morning I'm on the same escalator that I was on last week. I of course am standing to the right and anyone who's been through Grand Central in the mornings knows it's just a cluster fuck of people trying to push their way on to the escalators. So anyway, walking up the stairs on the left is an older woman - probably in her early 60's. She gets about half way up the stairs and stops walking. There are two gentlemen on the steps behind her and behind them one of the most obnoxious women that I have ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on. Right away she starts with the "Excuse me, excuse me can you keep walking." "HELLO?? Keep moving." The older woman is just ignoring her - and who wouldn't??? When the older woman doesn't answer her, the bitch moves up on the step between two people and starts hitting the woman on the shoulder with the report that she's carrying saying "hello, hello, would you move already?" So the woman turns around then and says "Hit me one more time and I'm getting a cop when we get to the top of the escalator". So the bitch backs off in a huff. We get to the top and the bitch races to push past w0man and purposely bump into her causing her to drop her bag. Mind you all of the crap on the escaltors took maybe 45 seconds so this bitch would have saved her self maybe 10 seconds if the woman had kept walking. If you're that much of a hurry bitch get your lazy ass on the stairs! I just felt so bad for the older woman - no one's morning needs to start like that!

Hometown Hero

Ol' Dirty Bastard

Hut one, hut two, hut three hut! Ol' Dirty Bastard live and uncut! This Brooklyn-born rapper changed the face of rap and hip hop forever. He's a bastard because there's no father to this pioneer's style...and we love him for it.

ODB...RIP...you are a hometown hero!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Technical Difficulties

Pookie is having major issues at the job that she's paid to do and Kat is off at a business metting! Stay tuned...

Friday, September 23, 2005

Yes Virginia, there ARE nice people in New York

Well this is a new one for BOTS. I am taking this time to commend a NYC citizen (I think anyway...he had the accent....faintly Brooklyn or Staten Island) who was on 5th Avenue yesterday evening around 5:15pm.

I was walking down the street, looking for someone to bitch slap, and saw many people trying to hail cabs. Here's a heads up kids, you'll NEVER get a cab on 5th Avenue during rush hour. NEVER.

I saw these two old ladies (one with a walker) trying fruitlessly to hail a cab. They flagged down every motherfucker in a yellow car no matter what light was on or off. "TAXI" the old one yelled. "TAAAAXI" the older one (with the walker) screamed....

About 20 feet ahead of them was a guy trying to get a cab himself. There are miracles you know, and someone got out of a cab right in front of him. I love it when that shit happens!

It was at that moment that a ray of sunshine broke through the concrete jungle as I watched this man look at the two old ladies, look at his watch, and then he waved the old ladies up to his cab. The lady with the walker took her sweet ass time, but what can you do. This guy held that cab (and even stopped others who were hawking it..he said, and this is verbatim, "AY! This is my cab get it?") for these two ladies and then continued his mission impossible for transportation of his own.

Sir, I don't know who you are, but BOTS salutes you!

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch..

"If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault; if they betray you twice, it’s your fault. " - Eleanor Roosevelt E.R. didn't seem to have any quotes on alcohol for Friday! :o(

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch...

"Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Hometown Hero

Al Pacino

Al has been kicking ass on the big screen for years. Tony Montana, Michael Corleone.....um....and all the other roles he played!

This little boy from New York City made it big and is still taking the world by storm. Here's a shot of him at a difficult time in his life.

Hey, he is from the South Bronx!

This one if for you Al. Whoo-ah!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. " - Eleanor Roosevelt

Grandma Butt

This lady is a recurring problem for me. Almost every morning we all come up the stairs out of the train and she stops at the top, lights a butt (I swear it's a Virginia Slim Menthol 120....what else do old ladies smoke???), and then walks ahead of me. I'm ALWAYS stuck behind her breathing her death smoke on me.

Now, I fully admit, I'm an occasional (OK...that means drunk) smoker and a former full time smoker. I still catch whiffs of the sweet tobacco and rush (in my mind) to a scene of a crisp fall day where I'm having a stiff cup of Joe and the Marlboro Man is riding his steed across a plain.....God, that Marlboro man is hot....

What? Wait, where was I? DAMN those tobacco marketing execs!

Anyhoo...Grandma Butt is constantly blowing her smoke on others as she walks and that annoys me. Blow that shit UP into the air, Bitch! One day, I saw her burn a man as he brushed by her. He didn't notice, but she did....and you know BOTS did.

So Grandma, for the love of God....stop spreading the cancer!

If you smoke, be a courteous smoker...I'm not taking away your right to smoke....I'm taking away your right to be an asshole.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


Kat was jealous of my day off and decided to get "ill" herself today! :o)

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch

Now this really is one smart Bitch...I'm dedicating the rest of the week to her - why? Because I feel like it! :o)

"A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Stand Right, Walk Left

EVERYONE in NYC knows this! If you're on an escalator and you don't walk up the stairs you stand to the right so that people who want to feel like they're exercising by walking up moving stairs can do so without bumping into people. So at roughly 7:45 AM this morning, my ass was standing to the right (you know there's no way that I'm doing anything other than what's aboslutely necessary at that hour!). There was a woman behind me standing on the LEFT so this was mostly her fault but this guy came charging up the stairs - now he's behind me and with the absences of eyes in the back of my head, the only way I would have to know if he was behind me was if he had the common courtesey to say excuse me. Now of course BOTS wouldn't be posting about this if he had used common courtesey. He pushed right past me shoving me into the railing. To which I respond "All you had to say was 'Excuse Me' asshole!" he turns around and says "Whatever Bitch". God I really and truly do hate people. Where did everyone go so wrong? What happened to a little courtesey? Ah well, at least there are some people, few and far between granted, who kind of make up for the assholes.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch

Pookie is illin today ya'll...this one is for her....

"I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names."--Zsa Zsa Gabor

Say "Thank You", B!tch!

Didn't your momma teach you any manners?

The other night I walked into my favorite pizza joint (fuck you! I am a pizza loving NY gal!) and was followed in by some slow walking bitch and her husband. I patiently held the door for Slo Mo. She didn't even take the door, but kept yapping to her poor husband who grabbed the door. Now, in this particular slice of heaven (pun intended), there are 2 doors to get into the place. At the second door, I was tempted to just keep walking and ignore Slo Mo and Ho Mo. However, I try my best to be a decent person (really...it's true!) and I held the second door as well. Slo Mo waddled her fat ass toward the door, but AGAIN, didn't go to hold it for herself and her dumb ass husband.

Here's the kicker: Do you believe that Slo Mo and Ho Mo WALKED RIGHT PAST ME and then headed for the counter without as much as a nod?

You know BOTS can't put up with that shit. I walked past them (hey, we are talking about Slo Mo...it wasn't that hard to overtake her) and up to the counter. Slo Mo and Ho Mo came up right behind me and when my pizza guy said, "Who's next?" Slo Mo had the NERVE to say, "Hi...I'd like...". That's as far as she got. I said, "I was actually here first. Remember me, I held the door for you two?"

Ho Mo looked sheepish and said, "Oh yes....she was here first honey." Damn right I was! I looked at Slo Mo to see what she would say, but she just wrinkled up her fat nose and didn't say anything.

I picked up my order and took off.

On my way out, I stepped on Slo Mo's foot accidentally. (I swear, it really was an accident, but I was glad.) "Oh....EXCUSE me." I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster.

Fuck her.....she should have stood back.

I didn't have my camera with me, but here's what she reminded me of.

She's been bitch slapped!

Remember, little piggies....always say thank you or B!tch on the Street may get you!

Hometown Hero

Tony Danza

That's right....where is the hottest housekeeper of the 80's from? Crooklyn baby!

Here's a shoutout to Tony. He's still going strong and inspiring people all over the land!

Don't worry, Tony. We always knew YOU were the boss!

Friday, September 16, 2005

Don't Stand. Don't Stand So...

Don't stand so close to me!

There are a few things New Yorkers truly cherish: parking spots, multiple bathrooms in an apartment, and our personal space.

Here's a BOTS Public Service Announcement for all of you ignoramuses out there:
When you're standing in line waiting to pay for something, DO NOT tread in the personal space of the person in front of you. Don't let your bag hit them "accidentally". Don't push ahead to put your shit on the counter.

And especially don't do these things to the B!tch on the Street.

She will fuck you up!

Thank you.

Quote from an Historical Bitch.....

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

Hometown Hero

Foofie Foofie

Not much action out on the streets yet today, so I think I'll start a new recurring topic on BOTS. It's called "Hometown Hero" and will highlight New Yorkers who have made a difference in this world.

Today's hometown hero is Flava Flav (a.k.a. Foofie Foofie). Flav hails from da Bronx baby and he's made a difference in many lives....most notably, Brigitte Neilson's!

Here's a holla to our Hometown Hero! Keep it real, Flav!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Bronx is Up. The Battery's Down

I can not make this shit up.

For those of you unfamiliar with Pookie and I, we are always joking that we must have information signs on our heads because people ALWAYS ask us for directions/information.

Today, I was walking in midtown. Rockefeller Center, to be exact. These two ladies (tourists) came up to me and this is how it went:

Lady 1: Excuse meh (southern drawl here...). Could you tell us where Rockefeller Center is?
Kat: You're in Rockefeller Center.
Lady 2: No, no...THE Rockefeller Center.
Kat: Yeah. This is it.
Lady 1: (as an aside to Lady 2) Let me handle this. (speaking slowly) We want to know where Rockefeller Center is. You know, where they put the tree.
Kat: This. Is. It. The tree only goes up at Christmas time. Down there is the skating rink.
Lady 2: Where?

Now, in all fairness, the skating rink becomes a bar in the summer called the Rink Bar and it's full of tables.

Kat: Down there.
Lady 1: (with a sly glance at Lady 2): I see. Thank you.

They then walk away looking at their map. This is a picture of them doing so.

They have been bitch slapped. This is B!tch on the Street....reporting live....FROM Rockefeller Center.

Rude People

So this morning I'm rushing to get my morning coffee before I get on the train. There's a woman walking down the street while I'm walking across it - I can see that she's not paying attention at all and is going to walk right into me. So I stop to let her pass, at that moment she comes back to reality, notices me and stops. I go to continue on my way and she then starts walking again, places her hand on my waist, pushes me aside and mumbles EXCUSE ME!! Are you kidding me?? You actually had the nerve to touch me like that BITCH!! You know the mornings are bad enough - especially before I've had my coffee - but to have to put up with that kind of rudeness just puts me in a pissy mood for the rest of the day. I wasn't quick enough with the camera to get a pic of her though! God I hope this day gets better.

Quote of the Day - Not sure who said it!

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." - If anyone knows who deserves the credit please post it! Thank you!

Wet Dog

Today, I decided to take a cab to the train instead of walking like I usually do since Ophelia and her rains were pouring down on us. Stupid me didn't think to wear some ratty clothes to work, and I got dolled up in my finest. I donned some flip flops (essential to the NY working woman's summer wardrobe) and headed out the door. I then got so soaked for the two minutes I waited for the cab that even my underwear is drenched. Thank God I didn't have my normal shoes on (they're suede and gorgeous if I do say so myself)!

It's a good look for me....don't you think?

The highlight: I get to the office and some fool on the elevator says, "Wet enough for ya?" I said, "Back away before I spit on you." He looked scared and moderately confused until I laughed slightly and said, "Oh...just kidding." FUCKER!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

More traffic rants...

Please continue honking you horns when you're stuck in traffic because we all know that blaring your horn is going to magically remove the twleve blocks of traffic in front of you so that you can move. It's actually very effective and not the least bit obnoxious to those of us who are forced to listen to it. Keep up the good work!

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch..

"The word 'Lady': Most often used to describe someone you wouldn't want to talk to for even five minutes." - Fran Lebowitz

You're really not helping....

OK, I know your job sucks. I know that it's frustrating. BUT...there must be some modicum of formality involved. Don't just stand there waving at EVERYONE! I swear, I couldn't get the hand signals the bitch that was riding in this little can was giving at all. It was like playing charades with a 2 year old.

This whole UN gridlock is getting me down. Now, it's extra dangerous crossing the streets of NYC because you have to squeeze between huge busses and crazy drivers.

Traffic police....do a better job. You're just confusing everyone!

p.s. Get some cooler rides too. These little "cars" are lame. Who's going to take a pig in a box seriously?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch....

"I believe that my decision to remain unfit at the age of 34 will serve me well into the future, as I'll never have to endure the hushed observation that I've really let myself go." - Janeane Garofalo

Going Up...Psycho?

So I get in the elevator this morning and it's me and 2 guys. The doors close as I press my floor. One of the other floors was pressed already. Then, one of the guys on the elevator proceeds to hit about 8 buttons (all, of course, for floors below my floor). I said, "Do you not know which floor you're going to?" He ignored me. My spidey senses perked up immediately. Uh oh....psycho alert!

The first guy gets off the elevator and doesn't even glance at me. Now I'm like, "Oh shit. I'm left on here by myself with the psycho!" We proceed to stop at like 7 floors. He doesn't make a move even though HE PRESSED ALL THE BUTTONS! My floor is the last one lit up (#30 if you care). It was the slowest 3 minutes of my life passing all those floors, waiting for the doors to open, close and then to go again. My floor finally came up and I prepared to exit the elevator while holding my bag in such a way that I could swing it at this nut case's head if I had to. Hey, this is NY. You have to be ready for action. I got off at my floor. He did not. And by the way, no other floors higher than mine were pressed.

I fully admit, although I wanted to, I was too scared to take a pic of him. But I got the buttons on the elevator that this head case pressed so you can get the full picture of what I stared at the whole way.

Were I feeling braver, I would have told this idiot that he was a freak, but I was too chicken and hadn't had my coffee yet.

What a way to start the day!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Shut the F*&K up!

Seriously. I KNOW it's frustrating to drive in this city, but crazy cabbies who hold their hands on their horns non-stop are the worst part! Hey, asshat, THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO! Now, shut the fuck up.

Ah....I feel better now.

Quote of the Day from a Famous Bitch...

"I am not just another cheesecake pot." - Sophia Loren

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Never Forget

To all of our NYC friends.....we will never forget you.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Keep jiggling baby!

Nice. Real nice, you pigs. I'm just walking along, minding my own business when one of these pigs yells at me, "Keep jiggling baby!". The others proceeded to whistle, hoot and holler like the animals they are. WTF???? I am a well-endowed lady, but I know how to keep the girls in.

My reply, "Fuck you, pig!"

Do you speak to your mother like that you pig?

Consider yourselves bitch slapped!

Pookie Loves BOTS!!

Quote of the day from a famous Bitch....

"As for me, I'd like to have money...I hate almost all rich people but I think I'd be darling at it." - Dorothy Parker

Move Bitch Git Out Tha Way!

This morning on the way into work, I passed a Mega frenzy. The lotto people were selling quick pick mega millions tickets and you KNOW I had to stop and get one so I can get the hell out of this cell (AKA the Cube Farm). Cause ya know "You can't live the dream if you don't play the game". They were giving away freebies and some beyatch almost snatched this right out of my hands - get your own damn free water bottle! Didn't have time to snap a pic of her but here's my free water bottle!

The Jerk on the Train

So I'm on my way home yesterday and some fool on the train with a big old mouth kept spewing some Nazi crap about gay marriage. He said, "They can't even have kids, so why get married?!? They are making our taxes higher with this crap!". Um.....WHAT???

Now for the good part, THIS GUY IS TOTALLY A BROWNIE HOUND! He had on a suit (as you can see), but his nails were manicured (we're talking clear polish here) AND he had a little Mr. Clean earring in.

I wanted to scream, "Hey, Baldylocks with the yellow tie, shut the f*ck up! Just admit you're a fag and you won't have to go around bashing others. Now shut the f*ck up so I can read my US Magazine....BITCH!"

BOTS had to get a picture of this major loser. Here he is. Obviously, I have to protect Big Gay Al's identity, but you get the idea.

Nothing is sadder than a gay bashing gay in a suit.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Let the rants begin....

In a city of 8 million people you're going to encounter all types but the outright rudeness of some is just amazing. Most annoying are the people who will let doors slam in your face rather than hold it for a second. I also just LOVE those individuals who feel it is beneath them to say "Thank you" when you hold the door for them.

Bitch on the Street is out there armed with a camera! Don't make me post your picture here!

We're on the street!

This is the view from our cell. As you can clearly see, we've got our eyes on the street. Don't make us come down there!

I've got my eye on you!

Dats me. Always looking for the next person that needs a slap from B!tch on the Street!

What Up Beeotches?

Bitch on the Street is out there.....and she's looking for YOU!