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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Sh!tter...

This post was inspired by our friend over at Help Me Bubba. I was hesitant to foray into the arena of bathroom posts, but she really helped me overcome that with her witty (albeit graphic) post regarding a bathroom situation. So today, I bring to you....The Sh!tter.

The Sh!tter is a woman that I work with. She's older. Not too old. Around 50 maybe. Any time I go into the ladies room at work, she's in there. Doing her business. Loudly. Smellily. Disgustingly. I don't know what her health issue with this is (I know there must be one...no one sh!ts that much!), but it's really annoying.

If I happen to go to the ladies room and find it empty, I can rest assured that The Sh!tter is not far behind and will soon join me.

She has no bathroom couth.

Now, I have some personal bathroom etiquette that I abide by and I'd like to pass this wisdom on to you:
  1. If someone is in the last stall (the sh!t stall), leave them be. Even if it is The Sh!tter, who is ALWAYS in the last stall. Get in and out as fast as you can. Do not stay in the bathroom talking or doing your hair or makeup.
  2. Do not get into an empty stall beside an occupied stall. Leave at least one stall in between. We all like a little privacy.
  3. If the bathroom is, shall we say, pungent, don't remark on it. See rule 1 re: getting in and out. I was victimized by The Sh!tter once again a few months ago and after she left, another lady came in and said, "Ew! Did you do that?" Um.....WHAT? Even if I did, are you kidding me asking that???
  4. If you are the creator of the pungent smell, utilize the oft forgotten courtesy flush (or flushes if you have to). It really does make a difference.
  5. If you need to go...I mean GO, and there is someone else already in there, do NOT start your process. You must leave and wait for that person to exit. Nothing ruins private time like a Mexican standoff (nothing racist here, just a saying) in the bathroom...seeing who gives in first just leads to awkwardness.

I'd love to get all BOTS on The Sh!tter, but it's not my place. The ladies room is a strange universe where even this B!tch must abide by certain mores. I would also love to leave a can of Lysol or NutriAir on her desk for her to bring to the bathroom, but that would just be too mean. Even I can't go that far.

Thanks for letting me vent (pun intended).


At 1:47 PM, Blogger brendalove@gmail.com said...

I keep a small air freshener pump spray in my purse. I can take it to the bathroom with me and erase any pre-existing offending smells or prevent any new ones.

At 2:16 PM, Blogger Christine said...

My office is directly across the hall from an employee bathroom. Every day after lunch without fail, a 60 year old secretary enters to do her business. I don't know WHAT this woman eats but OMG. The rest room remains polluted and uninhabitable for at least an hour...and that is after spraying. My office door remains closed from noon until 3 every day. Shit at HOME you witch! I feel better.

At 2:23 PM, Blogger Jen said...

Fuckin hilarious!

At 5:34 PM, Blogger Liz said...

You're going to need to check your e-mail... I'm sending along some other pooping guidelines that you would totally appreciate!!!

At 8:04 PM, Blogger HelpMeBubba said...

100% agree w/ your bathroom ettiquette(sp?)!! The courtesy flush is what I live by along w/ wait til others have left the shitter before you begin your business. Glad I inspired you to do this post.....potty humor is the best!!!

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Anhoni Patel said...

This is one of the funniest posts ever.
Holy shit! Oooops.

I stongly believe in bathroom rules. Amen sister. I work with 5 guys and there's only ONE bathroom. Guys are disgusting.

We should have a face-off between you Sh!tter and mine. Ew.

My sister-in-law totes around a tiny can of room spray. very courteous.

At 10:39 PM, Blogger kenju said...

Seems like nearly everyone was posting bathroom humor today: checkout my post and also see

At 8:53 AM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...

At my last job, the fourth floor of the building was more or less deserted. Whenever anyone, erm, needed to do something, they just said, "I'm going to the fourth floor." And we all knew what they meant.

At 10:56 AM, Blogger markus said...

don't you hate it when the person who stank up the place leaves and you're still there and then someone else comes in and thinks it was you.

At 1:59 PM, Anonymous Kat said...

I had been meaning to do a post on bathroom etiquette. Now I'll just link to yours instead.

At 1:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahhaha damn do the men have the same problems...

At 3:11 PM, Blogger Jeff D said...

Great Blog! Very funny stuff....

At 2:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm in the same situation as Christine's. I sit directly across from the men's bathroom. I went out and bought 2 air fresheners. Ones that kinda neutralize the smell, not cover it with vanilla, cause then that's just gross. Also candles in the office are a great necessity.

Glad to hear someone else out there has a sucky office like me.


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