If Mama Ain't Happy...

This weekend, I went to do some more holiday shopping. I walked past this craft-type store and saw a cute little sign that I know my grandmother would love. It said, "If mama ain't happy...Ain't nobody happy."

I commented to my friend, "Oh, look at that sign! Nana would love it!" He agreed and we headed in to get the sign. On our way to the corner of the store by the window, we browsed a little and took our time getting to the sign. Some woman was totally up our asses the entire time. She kept trying to dart past us but kept getting blocked (it was a very small aisle). My friend said, "Excuse you!" after she bumped into him. She said (very venomously), "Well, excuuuuuse me!" She then pushed past us and walked directly over to MY SIGN. She picked it up, and took off toward the back of the store as fast as she could.

Well, you know this BOTS freaked. I mean, I lost it. "That stupid fvcking b!tch knew we wanted that and she went and grabbed it." I loudly proclaimed. My friend saw that look in my eyes and said, "Um, I'm going to go ask the clerk if they have any more." I headed to the back of the store.

I dashed through the aisles past little country kitchen type sh!t, hand-made butter churners and the like, to look for that b!tch. As I looked, I ran into my friend. He looked a little scared. I said, "Don't tell me...that was the last one?". He nodded helplessly and I pulled him along in my quest for revenge.

Suddenly, he stopped short. "Look!" There it was! My sign! She had put it down at the back of the store! We approached quietly. I looked up and down the aisle it was in. There she was! Looking at Christmas ornaments not 10 feet away from the sign. I swiftly walked over to the sign, picked it up, and said, "Oh THERE it is! How did this get from the window all the way back here?"

The b!tch whirled around. "That's mine!" she said. I blinked innocently. "Well, you weren't holding it. It's right here for anyone to buy." She approached quickly. "I just put it down to look at ornaments." I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I guess what goes around, comes around huh?" My friend pulled my arm and we started walking to the cashier. The b!tch didn't say one word. She knew she was wrong.

Once again, good triumphs over evil! I was elated! Christmas joy filled my soul as I thought of Nana chuckling over her sign and that b!tch going home signless.

I need help...