Movie Review: Superman Returns (B!tch Should Have Stayed Away...)
Here's a first for BOTS: a movie review. I was so astounded and horrified by the spectacle that is Superman Returns, that I had to write this.
This movie sucked. Big, hairy balls. The story DRAGGED on (this sh!t is almost 3 hours long!), I now hate the whiny and high-school-play-star actress that is Kate Bosworth (look for her in a future B!tches We Hate), and none of the characters were developed enough to wear a training bra!
What was good: Kevin Spacey (although his performance just reminded me of him playing Dr. Evil in the beginning of Goldmember) and Parker Posey because she's a genius and it's not her fault she had a crap part.
It could've been good! I swear! Admittedly, I'm not the superhero/sci-fi movie loving type, but I've enjoyed the original Superman (even though that is totally cheezy, it was entertaining) and all those new Batmans and Spidermans got my thumbs up. But this one....I nearly slit my wrists sitting in that theatre. I would have left, but I was sort of on a date, and didn't want my date to take it too personally.
The worst part is twofold:
1. I say to my date, "That was the worst movie ever. That was just like the Hulk movie." He says, "Are you kidding me? How about those special effects?" Is this guy for me????
2. I immediately text Pookie and say, "Superman blows." She writes back, "I didn't think it was that bad." Huh? So then I call her and say, "Superman was the worst ever." Pookie says, "I liked it!" HUH???????? We ALWAYS like the same movies! Say it ain't so, Pook!
If I had to see that fruitcake float around and look "intense" one more time, I would've puked. It reminded me of all the gratituitous Brad shots in Troy.
L to the A to the M with the E.
That's my review.
On a brighter note, Girls Just Want To Have Fun was on TV yesterday. Now THAT is cinematic perfection!