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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Movie Review: Superman Returns (B!tch Should Have Stayed Away...)

Here's a first for BOTS: a movie review. I was so astounded and horrified by the spectacle that is Superman Returns, that I had to write this.

This movie sucked. Big, hairy balls. The story DRAGGED on (this sh!t is almost 3 hours long!), I now hate the whiny and high-school-play-star actress that is Kate Bosworth (look for her in a future B!tches We Hate), and none of the characters were developed enough to wear a training bra!

What was good: Kevin Spacey (although his performance just reminded me of him playing Dr. Evil in the beginning of Goldmember) and Parker Posey because she's a genius and it's not her fault she had a crap part.

It could've been good! I swear! Admittedly, I'm not the superhero/sci-fi movie loving type, but I've enjoyed the original Superman (even though that is totally cheezy, it was entertaining) and all those new Batmans and Spidermans got my thumbs up. But this one....I nearly slit my wrists sitting in that theatre. I would have left, but I was sort of on a date, and didn't want my date to take it too personally.

The worst part is twofold:
1. I say to my date, "That was the worst movie ever. That was just like the Hulk movie." He says, "Are you kidding me? How about those special effects?" Is this guy for me????
2. I immediately text Pookie and say, "Superman blows." She writes back, "I didn't think it was that bad." Huh? So then I call her and say, "Superman was the worst ever." Pookie says, "I liked it!" HUH???????? We ALWAYS like the same movies! Say it ain't so, Pook!

If I had to see that fruitcake float around and look "intense" one more time, I would've puked. It reminded me of all the gratituitous Brad shots in Troy.

L to the A to the M with the E.

That's my review.

On a brighter note, Girls Just Want To Have Fun was on TV yesterday. Now THAT is cinematic perfection!

13 Comments:

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Fine Kat, I'll stay away. My eyes bleed anyway when I look at Kate Bosworth. One of my legs weighs as much as her.

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Debbie said...

I watched Girls Just Want to Have Fun too. And I was happy.

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger M-M-M-Mishy said...

I don't think that I could, in good conscious, support Kate Bosworth's desent into Nicole Richie-ness. Plus, that weird guy who plays Superman freaks me out because he's so robot-esque.

And yes, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun is movie genius!

 
At 1:57 PM, Anonymous Kat Sans Hat said...

Hey, do you guys know what happened at the Astor Place stop this morning? Supposedly someone fell/ jumped/ was pushed onto the tracks and died. I can't find anything about it anywhere.

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger Kat in da Hat said...

Kat, it wasn't me! I'm on probation and have to be good!

Seriously, I don't know. All I know is that the 4/5 was shut down between Grand Central and Brooklyn Bridge and the 3 train is a sh!tty alternative!

 
At 3:07 PM, Blogger FatMom said...

Kat...you're d'bomb. And, no, that guy is NOT for you.

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger yllwdaisies said...

I wasn't planning on watching it cause of the hair in the movie alone. I didn't think I could sit through 90 mins of that hair. Now I find out it was almost twice as long!!!

In other news, I think it HILARIOUS that you just b!tch-slapped a movie! HA!

 
At 5:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I watched Girls Just Want to Have Fun yesterday too. And the best part is I made my 51 year old boyfriend watch it with me :)

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger joy said...

This guys freaky looking. I don't see him as Superman. Dosn't he have brown eyes? Superman has blue eyes, sheesh!

 
At 12:34 AM, Blogger blog Portland said...

Even if a movie sucks, is it still OK to masturbate to it's characters? Just curious, you know...

 
At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Kat....did you kiss him at the end of the date? or did you enjoy him during the movie? :-)
carmie

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Jessica said...

I can't believe anyone paid (and paid a lot) to see this movie! It's like HELLO HOLLYWOOD HAVE YOU RUN OUT OF ORIGINAL IDEAS?

Geez, I am sick of remakes, they are never as good as the original.

 
At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Steve said...

You're fucking high. The film did NOT suck, though some of the recycled dialogue shoulda been left where it was... in the original film. It played like the first film, and that was really nice, because despite it being yeah, somewhat of a remake, it
still had a very warm feeling it. My gripe is I don't want there to be another film after this, because in my opinion, there's simply nothing left to make a movie about. Brandon Routh didn't come off as gay for an instant.
Last point; I reject the notion that that little kid of Lois' has any superpowers.
Want sucky? Nacho Libre.... Pirates of the Where's my Money II. Miami Vice..THAT was shit.
Steve (sentinelvideo@yahoo.com)

 

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