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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

There's a Sucker Born Every Day...

Oh, this story is just too good not to share. Usually I get paranoid that work people will somehow find this blog, but this story must be posted. They'll never prove it's me!

Today, we had our weekly staff update meeting...the meeting I dread the most. It's horrible! Everyone gives updates about what has been going on in their world for the past week. It's boring, tedious, you get grilled by the head of our company about why stuff happens...you get the picture. However, today was different. Today was the best staff update meeting EVER. For a little background, the Head Dude (HD) at my smallish financial services company is an older...I'd say in his later 60's...white, conservative man.

At 8:30am sharp the Head Dude started off with saying, "Hey, Mary, I saw your husband last night. Did he tell you?"

Mary: "My husband? No...where did you see him?"

Head Dude: "Right outside of the office yesterday evening. About 5:30. He told me about his wallet being stolen."

This is where I perked up and really started listening.

Mary: "HD, what are you talking about? My husband's wallet wasn't stolen!"

HD: "I'm sure it was him. He came up to me outside the office and said, 'Hi! Remember me! You work with my wife.'"

Mary: "What did he look like?"

HD (oh, I'm giggling while typing this): "Well...um...he was...like you, you know...he was...African American. So when he said that I work with his wife, I said, 'Mary?' and he said, 'Of course!' He told me that his wallet had been lifted and asked me if I had any money that he could borrow and send back to me with you today. I gave him $20."

Mary (now with a look of evil death on her face): "So you are telling me that some 'AFRICAN AMERICAN' man came up to you and asked you for money and you ASSUMED he was MY husband based on THAT????"

Everyone started squirming at this point, but not one other person said a word.

HD (sounding really pissed off now...he's not too friendly): "Mary, are you telling me that I gave $20 to a man that wasn't your husband?"

Mary: "I don't know what you did, but I'm telling you that it wasn't my husband that you spoke to!"

HD: "I don't understand!"

She Lumberg (yeah, of course SHE was there): "Gosh, HD, sounds like you may have been taken."

HD: "Taken?!?! He said he was Mary's husband!"

Mary: "Did HE say that, or did you give him my name first because I'm the only black woman you know?"

A light seemed to go on over HD's head. He turned purple people! Purple! I got that really nervous, butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling as I looked around at all of the shocked/trying not to laugh/too scared to look faces.

HD: "Obviously, there's been a mistake. Let's get started."

After the meeting, we all filed out quietly and went to our respective cells. Immediately, my phone rang and I gossiped with another co-worker about what happened.

HD is actually a really smart guy, but this goes to show...a sucker is born every day...and it helps if he's a stuck-up white guy it seems!


At 11:01 AM, Anonymous Bankie Edwards said...

Hahahaha! I'm not quite sure how I managed to subscribe to your RSS feed, but I'm having an AWESOME time! I fucking hate weekly update meetings and I'm in a pissy fucking mood. This made my day.

At 11:03 AM, Blogger Marcia said...

hahahahahaha........ that's AWESOME.

And I like to know that you all call each other to gossip, too. Yesterday, I left the office, and immediately called the person I'd been talking to just before I left from the parking lot to tell him the crazy shit I couldn't tell him with people around!

At 11:51 AM, Blogger Laurie said...

Fucking. Priceless.


At 11:52 AM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...


What a fucking idiot!!!

What a dweeb. That's the kind of shit that you just mentally file away and everytime HD does some assinine thing hereafter, you just laugh and laugh inside.

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Pookie said...

OMG Kat - that's one of the best work stories I've ever heard! Hilarious!

At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL LOL how did you keep a straight face? LOL LOL i would have been peeing in my pants

At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that is a great story!
Gotta love it when shit like this happens to shake up the boring ass meetings.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger gabsmash said...

ha haaaaa! awesome one kat

At 3:57 PM, Blogger T. said...

Too funny. Jackass. Hope he learned his lesson.

At 4:02 PM, Blogger DIAMONDKT said...

That's too funny. I wish I could of been there to witness it.

At 4:33 PM, Blogger Cyber Mule said...

Thanks for linking me in, Sista' !

NYC is 100 X the City Boston is...'dats fo' sho'.

At 4:36 PM, Blogger Cyber Mule said...


I just read this....and, seriously, AM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.

That's really good shit.

Too funny/

At 4:36 PM, Blogger Liz said...

High comedy... That's really all there is to it.

At 11:05 PM, Blogger Virenda said...

Um, what an ass!

It's great that he was taken and made to look a fool, maybe next time he wont be such an ASS!


He figured because "that man" was black and you were black that that automatically makes you hubby and wife?! What an ass.

Have I said ass enough? Cause I could say it a few more times?

At 11:13 AM, Blogger yllwdaisies said...

That's such a horrible statement on the way some ppl think in this day & age. We all think we've evolved so much. & I'm sure the head-dude thought that he was way superior to everyone else. That really put him in his place.

Oh, & that story really made my morn, I'm laughing so hard inside my head!

At 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

will you be my best friend? yes i realize that is moving a little fast but i was reading the caption this over at dlisted, and clearly buckled when i read your response from s.o.t.l. i decided to check out the link and am relieved and overjoyed that it wasnt just a fluke, youre fucking hilarious. ahhhh, still experiencing delayed giggles from the caption..
point being, love you, love your site, just added to favs. i thank you.

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Kat said...

That might be your best story ever. Seriously, what a dupe HD is! I love how he just assumed Mary was married to the rando. So incredibly stupid. And the way he handled it was something out of a parody of old white guys. Thanks for proving the stereotypes correct, guy!

At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was great!!! I love when people learn important life lessons.

Although, I would have probably fallen off my chair laughing at the poor sucker.

At 2:34 PM, Blogger Christine said...

What a bonehead. I am so embarrassed for him.

At 10:16 PM, Blogger Kiki said...

Love it! Made my evening!

At 1:53 AM, Blogger Jaclyn said...

oh my god i love this
i'm always saying how ignorant white people are, and that guy proves my point better than anyone
too bad he only gave him $20

At 6:51 PM, Blogger markus said...

that was definitely too good to keep to yourself!

At 6:08 PM, Blogger kitchen said...

That's fucking hilarious!!! I would have DIED laughing.

At 11:20 AM, Blogger Goldie said...

This. Is. Classic!!!
Thanks for sharing.

At 6:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it is a funny story in the sense that he was so presumptuous. At the same time no one has bother to acknowledge the kind gesture he expressed by giving said "husband" the 20 dollars. Something to think about.


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