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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Monday, March 06, 2006

That Curb is Innocent!

Today I was out and about and noticed this guy in the street. Always thinking of BOTS, I snapped his picture with my trusty camera phone. I wasn't sure what was up, but I figured I should just get his pic and at the very least, make fun of his squatting technique.

First, he had a ruler (old school wooden one...remember those?!) and was measuring the curb at the corner. Then, he started taking pictures of it. I was sort of curious, but honestly didn't really give a sh!t so I just stood at the corner waiting for the light to change so I could cross the street. Some guy said, "Hey, what are you doing?" The dude in this picture said, "I'm collecting evidence so I can sue this city into bankruptcy." (Aren't we bankrupt already or did Bloomberg pay off our debts? I forget...anyway...)

The first guy said, "Why? What happened?"

"I fell on this curb and now I'm taking measurements and pictures to bolster my case" the squatter replied.

That was too much for me to resist. "Did you get hurt?", I inquired. "Yes! Of course I got hurt!", he snottily retorted. "It was just last Friday that this happened!" Now, I feel the need to point out that this guy looked no way impeded. He was bending and moving just fine. "What did you hurt?", the other guy asked.

Do you know what he said?

Guess.....

Go on.....

He said....drumroll please.....

"Why don't you two mind your own fvcking business?"

The other guy said, "Hey, fvck you a$$hole! I hope you fall again!" (Pookie and I need to get cards to hand out to guys like this to ask him to join BOTS...I was really proud of him!)

I said, "Seriously, that was really rude. You aren't even hurt you loser. Get the fvck out of the street so people can pass!"

Ah...New York...city of opportunity and fakers!

15 Comments:

At 2:01 PM, Blogger v said...

Hah! That was pretty hilarious. You gals are on a roll.

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger Kelly said...

I am laughing so hard right now. I think this is the hardest I've laughed since... I don't know... I don't know.
"Hey, fvck you a$$hole! I hope you fall again!"
Classic.
I love this.
"I hope you fall again!"
Still laughing.

 
At 5:01 PM, Blogger DIAMONDKT said...

You know what my reply to a douche bag like that would be? After he told me to "shut the fuck up and mind my business", I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation in kicking his squatty ass over head first into that very same curb he was photographing.

Then I would say..."Well, it looks like you are going to have to add me to your sue list. Have a nice day".

Sue Happy America, so silly.

 
At 5:45 PM, Blogger Marcia said...

I mean, my husband is a lawyer, but he's a good lawyer. not the kind that sues people because the plaintiff is clumsy. That's ridiculous! I'm so glad you caught him!

 
At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL...everyone is trying to make a buck in NYC
carmie

 
At 7:44 PM, Blogger Virenda said...

My husband works at a Casino and we USED to live in Vegas and it's amazing how many stupid A-holes do those kind of things.

Someone from my husbands work, cut HER finer off at the tip and tried to stick it in her plate of spaghetti. MORON! Don't these people get that there are cameras EVERY WHERE?!


I'm glad that guy told him off. ~sigh~

 
At 11:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a guy out here who has filed 66 lawsuits, usually making them settle for 10s of thousands. The courts have decided he is not a nusiance and can continue to file lawsuits. Too bad while he was taking the photo you didn't get a shot of him getting stepped on.

 
At 12:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOTS should have stuffed that wooden ruler up his ass & ran. We can only hope he is a miserable, no life fuck who's blood pressure will blow his stupid head off someday soon. I love NY!! Can't wait to come back up!!

 
At 1:36 PM, Anonymous e-liz said...

I love the idea of BOTS cards. You could be all stealthy like and siddle up to people and just hand them a card.

 
At 5:01 PM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...

OMG I have to move to NY!! I love it!

 
At 8:20 PM, Anonymous Kat said...

"I hope you fall again!" I am so proud to call this city my home.

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger T. said...

Too funny. I would have totally given him a shove in the ass after he flipped you the attitude. I hate pricks like that!

Definetly get the BOTS cards.

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger anika said...

So funny! I hope he falls again too.

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Debbie said...

How the fuck do you fall off a curb? Really? It's a 3 inch fall. Holy shit. You should have kicked him in his ass when he was bent over and hurt him for real.

 
At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you considered forwarding the photo to the city clerk's office? Would be poetic justice if your photo were to save the city some money.

 

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