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B!tch on the Street

Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Umbrella Etiquette

Good morning boys and girls. It's been raining for a week straight here in NYC so I feel this issue is of timely importance. Today on BOTS, we will discuss the little known, and, even more little practiced, art of umbrella etiquette.

You see, kids, when you live and/or work in New York City, you will need to know how to properly respond to rainy days. If you don't, BOTS may come and bitch slap you. You don't want that do you?

When it is raining, and one has to utilize one's umbrella, it's important to think of the others on the streets that who need to use their umbrellas as well. Here are some key rules of umbrella etiquette:

  1. If you carry one of those really big and long umbrellas with the metal poker at the end, you are an asshole. You're an even bigger asshole if you carry said umbrella folded up and under your arm like a spear. You poke me with that thing, and there'll be hell to pay.
  2. When you are walking down a crowded sidewalk using your umbrella, you must try your best to not hit, poke or stab anyone with your umbrella spokes. This is essential to your own safety and health.
  3. To elaborate on the point above, you should try to gauge the height of others and their umbrellas and then adjust the height of your umbrella accordingly. That way, you can avoid any unseemly encounters with other umbrellas (or eyeballs).
  4. If you do bash someone with your umbrella, excuse yourself. Nothing is worse than getting beaten by some jerk's umbrella and then to have them not say a word of apology.
  5. When you get to a revolving door, FOLD UP YOUR UMBRELLA. You wouldn't believe how many people I have personally seen get stuck in a revolving door with their open umbrellas.
  6. On the subway, again I say FOLD YOUR SHIT UP! Don't wave your wet umbrella around getting the mucky subways even muckier (and more slippery)!
  7. Once inside your destination, do not stand there and quickly open and close your umbrella, hoping to wick off the rain. It doesn't work. All is does is spray others like a wet dog. Get to your final destination, open that shit up and lay it down to dry like a civilized person.

I hope these rules will keep you safe and dry!

Happy Friday ya'll!


At 3:43 PM, Blogger markus said...

thanks for pointing this out kat! i got hit by impolite umbrella users twice today!

At 4:04 PM, Blogger Liz said...



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