New Yorkers Don't Do it That Way!
Well, by now you've noticed that I loves me my NY pizza. There is no other like it in this world....not even in Italy (sorry Carmie). So, yesterday, I decided to grab myself a little slice of heaven at my local pizza dive (sometimes those are just the best....after the pizza truck that is, but more on that at another time).
I got my slice and it was steaming hot. I couldn't wait to eat it, so I grabbed myself a plastic knife and fork and started to dig in. The pizza place was full of wet tourists (did you know they sell I Love NY rain ponchos...just like the ones in Disney World? I didn't. They are totally LAME! Buy yourself a fucking umbrella for that $5!...sorry, on a rant there). One man turned to his wife and nudged her. Then, he said to me (with a big shit eating grin on his face), "Miss, I know you're not a New Yorker, because New Yorkers don't do it that way!"
As you know, BOTS does not like being approached by tourists in the wild. However, they are good fodder for this site!
I slowly chewed my pizza and just stared at the man. He kept giggling, but I got the distinct impression that he started to realize that I was indeed a New Yorker. I swallowed, took a sip of my Doc Brown's Black Cherry, and said, "New Yorkers don't do WHAT and in WHAT way?" He said, "Eating pizza with a knife and fork....I'm only joking with you." His wife tried to pull him away to look at the pizza case. I said (in my best BOTS voice), "Do you know what New Yorkers do do?....They mind their own goddamn business." I really said "goddamn" too! The tourists HATE being cursed at. He apologized as his wife gasped and they scurried off.
I kept on eating my slice.
Back off bitches! I'll eat my food any GODDAMN way I want to!