Who Created This...
And why do I think it's so funny?
Life is slow on the streets kids, but we'll find an offender to b!tch slap soon enough.
In the meantime, enjoy this pointless post.
Days and nights in New York City are tough enough without having to deal with all the sh!t this city dishes up. B!tch on the Street tells the tale of two ladies making their way through this crazy town...one freak at a time.
And why do I think it's so funny?
So this morning after I had been at work for a good 45 minutes, talked to a number of people and started my daily tasks, I went to the bathroom. It was then that I discovered that I was wearing my shirt inside out - hey I was still pretty much asleep when I got dressed! I'm wearing a black cotton shirt. So I go into a stall take it off and go to put it back on, however once I have the shirt right side out, I notice that I now have very lovely white deodorant marks in the armpits. I tried the trick of rubbing the material together but it didn't really work - it's slightly less noticable but still totally there. So my question to you is what would you do? Do you put the shirt on inside out again or do you just hope and pray that no one notices the deodorant stains? I opted for the latter - wish me luck!
Way before Pookie and I created this blog, we were still B!tches on the Streets. Here's a classic BOTS tale that Des over at Fresh Air Lover made me think of due to a recent post she has on going on a date with an actor.
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Am I the only idiot who has problems time and again with word verification? I type in what I see but it doesn't come out right.
This Cambodian woman pulled a Bobbitt on her husband after he hit her during an argument. Apparently, her husband came home drunk after a night of drinking and karaoke. An argument ensued and the bastard slapped her! He then tried to go to bed like nothing ever happened! But this bitch wasn't having that shit! She went and got a pair of scissors and tried to cut that shit off! OMG that fcvker must have gotten the shock of his life. Unfortunately doctors were able to save the organ and he escaped with only 25 stitches to his member. Any man who tried to hit this BOTS would be lucky walk away with only stitches!
This morning I walked into my bagel shop (as I do every day) to find a man yelling at the bagel guy. Here's his picture. As I approached the counter, I could hear that he was saying, "I ordered cream cheese! NOT scallion cream cheese!" I couldn't hear what my bagel guy was saying, but I proceeded on to the counter to place my order. If only I'd know what was to come next.
This picture sucks, but it shows what I witnessed yesterday morning as I left my friend's apartment (he lives right outside of the city which requires me to take a commuter rail (about a 30 minute ride) to get back to NYC and work. The weather here yesterday was like armegeddon crazy. Black clouds were rolling across the otherwise blue sky, winds were whipping everything and everyone around, and sporadically, bursts of rain fell from the ominous sky.
I know the posting hasn't been as frequent as we all would like but hopefully that gets better in a few weeks when work stops torturing me! However, since Kelly was kind enough to nominate us for Snarkiest Blog please go and vote for us here! It would mean so much to BOTS! It would be like the whole world has finally recognized that what we do is a much needed service in society...That some one recognizes the courage it takes to stand up to these assholes and bitch slap as necessary.....Ok fine it would just be really cool!! I got some bitch slappin' to do...I'll be back later!
I had to steal this from Kat over at Kitty Can Scratch. I've been away on a long weekend and am just now recovering. Since I have no incidents to report, I'll do this instead. Sorry if it bores you, but hey, it's my blog!
I know this blog is here to make people laugh and have some fun, but this story so sickened Pookie and me that we had to share.
The hands you see here are the hands of a woman I sat across from on the train this morning. As you can tell, she has long, French-manicured nails. She seemed normal enough, except for one thing: She used those talons to pick ear wax out of her ears, roll it up, and then flick it.
Today I went out to grab a quick bite to eat since work (a.k.a. Hell) has been particularly busy. I got a sandwich and waited on line to pay for it. At the same time, some crazy lady (I promise, I will bring my picture phone EVERYWHERE with me from now on) barreled in the door of the deli muttering to herself. She came right up beside me (touching me, mind you) and started craning her neck to see behind the counter. I said, "Excuse me, please." She ignored me. I heard her saying, "Lucky! Lucky!" over and over. I knew then that I had a crack pot (or maybe a crack head) on my hands.
I just want to bang on my drum all day! Doesn't this picture look like Whoopi?
This morning as I was walking to the train, there was a very lovey dovey couple in front of me. Holding hands, giving each other little kisses, bascially attached at the hip. So since they're right in front of me, I'm basically forced to watch them. I couldn't get around them due to the crowd - no big deal! I'm just listening to my Ipod trying to get to the train station. So we get to a crosswalk and here, sadly the love birds have to part ways. They gave each other a BIG kiss, looked longingly in each others eyes and then finally went their separate ways. So now it's just the guy in front of me. The whole way across the street he kept looking back, walk a few feet, look back, blow a kiss, walk a few feet, look back and blow a kiss...this went on the whole way across the street and THEN....one last walk a few feet, look back and blow a kiss..and the fvcker walked right into a pole!! OMG I almost pissed my pants! Holy shit it totally made my morning - I don't remember the last time I actually came into work with a smile on my face. The people on the train must have thought I was crazy because I was laughing to myself the WHOLE time!